Fun Stuff

Auto Repairs

2010-06-30T16:57:00.001-07:00

OOPS!

Subject: [GCFL.net] Auto Repairs
Auto Repairs
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check
for a clunking noise when going around corners.
He took the car out for a test drive and made two right
turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.
Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager
with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk."

Response to Purple Nails

2010-06-25T20:39:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I published a blog on www.magnusonhouse.com about my latest adventures to the Nail Spa. My good friend Anita sent me this youtube video. It is sooooo very true!

Photos Taken at Just the Right Angle

2010-06-19T13:42:00.001-07:00

LIVE your life at its fullest

LAUGH at all the things that don't matter

LOVE with all that you have and more

Myth Busters

2010-06-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Myth Busters has become a staple in our home ever since Mark's cousin, Daniel, introduced him to it in 2007. Last night Myth Busters aired their top 25 favorite "myths." We ended up "tivo'ing" it and watched it tonight. One of the myth's dealt with can you create fire from a fart. Well, the below youtube video shows Adam finding that answer. Enjoy:

Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be honest.

2010-06-07T13:49:00.001-07:00

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...???

[GCFL.net] Mailing a Bible

2010-05-29T16:35:00.001-07:00

Subject: [GCFL.net] Mailing a Bible

Mailing a Bible

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal
clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

--
Holly Magnuson
www.magnusonhouse.com
www.facebook.com/hollymag
www.twitter.com/hollymag321

Interesting Facts

2010-05-26T18:38:00.001-07:00

Subject: [GCFL.net] Interesting Facts

To ensure that future mailings you receive from GCFL aren't
mistakenly blocked by antispam software, be sure to add the
gcfl.net domain to your list of allowed senders and
contacts.

Interesting Facts

1. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

2. Pearls melt in vinegar.

3. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro,
Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

4. It's possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.

5. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in
the palms of their hands.

6. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from
the sale of vodka.

7. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy
dog" uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by
Western Union to test telex/two communications.)

8. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without
repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."

9. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with
only the left hand.

10. No word in the English language rhymes with month,
orange, silver, or purple.

11. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

12. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from
the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The
horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how
to walk up straight staircases.

13. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie"
(thus the name of the Don McLean song).

14. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

15. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their
unwanted people without killing them used to burn their
houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

16. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence
on July 4th, 1776: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of
the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't
added until five years later.

17. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

18. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen
seconds.

19. The name "Jeep" came from the abbreviation used in the
army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

20. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the
lowest point in Colorado.

21. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

22. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four
pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of
money in coins without being able to make change for a
dollar.

23. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck
on 4:20.

24. The only two days of the year in which there are no
professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the
day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

25. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or
older.

26. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original
"Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

27. If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will
keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

28. Snails can sleep for three years without eating.

29. Actor Tommy Lee Jones and Vice President Al Gore were
freshman roommates at Harvard.

30. The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually
indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they
could be confused at a crime scene.

31. Any month that begins on a Sunday will always have a
Friday the 13th.

32. James Doohan, who played Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott
on Star Trek, was missing the entire middle finger of his
right hand.

33. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile
in every five must be straight. These straight sections are
usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

34. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

HELLLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

2010-05-12T09:53:00.001-07:00

Love the Blondes... oh yes!!

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR

SPEEDING
TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER
WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watchdogs!'

Gripe Sheet

2010-05-10T15:07:00.001-07:00

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane for a
major airline, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"Gripe Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems and document their
repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets
before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground
crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by
Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded
(marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Fast Drinker

2010-05-08T18:00:00.001-07:00

Fast Drinker
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers, and starts drinking them as
fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy replies, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy replies, "No money."

The truth be known!

2010-03-12T11:06:00.001-08:00

With time, women gain weight
because we accumulate so much information
and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out
to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy, we are enormously
cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror
I will think,
Good grief, look how smart I am!

Yes, When I’m an Old Lady!

2010-03-04T11:07:00.001-08:00

When I'm An Old Lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my son, and make his life happy and filled with such fun, I want to pay back all the joy he's provided, returning each deed. Oh, he'll be so excited . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.

I'll write on the wall with red, white, and blue; and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.

I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.

I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, will he shout!